The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize