No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
