His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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