omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Who did Billy Mays play for?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
