u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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