I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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