She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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