Ambien. No doubt about it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
