but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
