Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
