I think scott just propositioned me for sex
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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