Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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