I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there's paper in my vomit.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
