You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
