Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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