Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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