she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
