I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
