I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
