Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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