its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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