so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just invented taco cereal.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
