Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize