I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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