She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
