i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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