Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
