We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize