Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
