This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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