My hand turned me down
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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