Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
