There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
