so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
tell me about the fingering
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