I've blown a few things in my day
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
