My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
