I cannot find my penis.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
