I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
