I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
