I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
