I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize