Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
