Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
