hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
