i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Boobs are out for the taking
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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