i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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