fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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