I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
