just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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