i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize