It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
