I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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