why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
