he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize