I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize