I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
