i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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