Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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