One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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