Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
