you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
