Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
