Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
