Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
