I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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