My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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