You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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