I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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