so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
