Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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