can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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