can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
