never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
