I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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