How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
