I smell stomach acid.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course I have a pirate flag
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
